"You're not from around here, are you?" With those words, I knew I had been exposed. My southern drawl had given me away again.

Born and raised in the deep South, I had moved to Philadelphia in response to what I had sensed was God's leading. But the more I tried to adapt to northern ways, the more I wondered whether it was God's wisdom or his sense of humor that had been at work in moving me here.

I didn't know it would be such a big adjustment. It's not like I'd left the country or anything, but there was a world of difference. Besides the weather being colder, the pace of life is much faster—in Philadelphia, a yellow light at the intersection doesn't mean "caution," it means "speed up." And while it's a great place to live, I still haven't mastered the language. None of my best words like "y'all," really work here. After a great meal at a friend's house one evening, I let loose with a southerner's highest and most genuine after-dinner compliment: "Boy, I'm full as a tick." They didn't even offer me dessert.

It's been 17 years now, and I'm still a hick in the 'hood. Have I adapted? I'd like to think so. Do I feel at home? Not entirely. I've learned that no matter how much I try to blend in, I'll always be a transplant, someone who resides in a culture not ultimately his own. I live in Yankee country, but I'll never be a Yankee.

So what does my little cross-cultural odyssey have to do with being a single adult?

As I interact with my single friends, they often describe a similar feeling of dislocation. There is a vague but consistent sense that they are single in a married person's world. Most would not say they feel discriminated against or looked down upon, but simply misunderstood. In the same way that I cannot as a southerner expect my northern community to adjust to my way of doing things, in the cross-cultural interaction between single folk and married, singles usually end up doing most of the adapting. Now this would be understandable if we were to consider that, historically, "singles" (as we define them today) made up only about 3 percent of the population. Yet a number of trends, such as a steady 50 percent divorce rate, have been swelling the number of singles in our society at an amazing rate. Many now forecast that single adults will make up half the adult population by the early part of the next century.

An explosion of singleness in the past 50 years has emerged largely from a redesignation of singleness as a respectable lifestyle. In 1957, for example, more than half of the U.S. population viewed singleness as something "sick" and "immoral." By 1991, just 34 years later, more than half the population had come to feel there was simply no good reason to get married!

Despite what pollsters may tell us about the present-day acceptability of singleness, on a real-life level it is still widely seen as a problem that needs to be solved, escaped from, or avoided. Many, if not most, single people still see marriage as by far the socially superior state of life. For them, singleness is a place, but marriage is the destination.

I experienced the power of this perception recently while attending my 20th high school reunion. You know what stood out most to me? I don't mean to sound like a sociology professor, but this is the best way to put it: there was a direct correlation between marital status and level of self-disclosure. Without exception, folks who were married were happy to talk about themselves and what was going on in their lives—and they had lots to say.

Yet in talking with people who were single, whether divorced or never married, it seemed they were almost apologetic for their status, and tended to say very little about their personal lives. It was as if these folks felt like second-class citizens at their own reunion.

Writer Barbara Holland, a single woman, laments this sense of inadequacy. "Happily-ever-after has rejected us. The fairy story has spit us out as unworthy, and sometimes we suppose perhaps we are."

But there is a single life for the Christian that is full of purpose, vitality, and adventure. God has not overlooked you. He isn't waiting for you to get your act together before he will direct your steps, and he isn't playing guessing games with your marital future. He has a place and a plan for you in your singleness. He has a vital and significant role for you to play in his purpose. God has supplied you with an identity that both transcends singleness and enables you to embrace and benefit richly from this time, for as long as it might last.

A New Testament Theology of Singleness

The most significant discussion of singleness in the Bible occurs in Paul's first letter to the Corinthian church. This church had been established in a wild, pagan party town. Consequently, new believers were coming into the church with all manner of what we might call "creative living arrangements." In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul settles a dispute by addressing at length the relative spirituality of marriage and singleness. You see, while some of the Corinthian Christians had been arguing that any unmarried adult must be some shade of weird, others were boasting that marriage was for people who weren't really serious about "giving it all for God." Some of this latter group were even married folks whose main motivation was to escape their marriage responsibilities.

Where does Paul come down in this debate? That marriage is not the "superior" state, nor is it a concession to those without the "superior" gift of celibacy. Singleness is neither the highest form of spirituality nor the unfortunate status of the unmarried. As Paul graciously responds to these confused folks, he lays out the following fundamental principles.

The sovereign hand of God has placed each of his children in his or her present status. As the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk" (v.17, NAS). In this verse, Paul is putting a freeze on a sudden frenzy of marriage, divorced, and remarriages that had broken out among these young Corinthian believers as they tried practically, although unwisely, to walk out their new faith. But on a deeper level, Paul is pointing them to the providence of God—this is, they are exactly where God wants them to be at this time. It's Paul's way of saying, "relax, God is in control."

With God's providential positioning comes supernatural enabling. "But each man has his own gift (literally 'charismata') from God" (v.7). Are you a charismatic? If you're single you are. If you get married you'll still be. Paul says that there is a gift—a "charismata" or supernatural ability—to live the life to which you have been called. You'll have the gift of singleness as long as you are single. When you get married, you won't need it anymore. As Elisabeth Elliot has written:

It is within the sphere of the circumstances He chooses for us—single, married, widowed—that we receive Him. It is there and nowhere else that He makes Himself known to us. It is there that we are allowed to serve Him ... Single life may be only a stage of a life's journey, but even a stage is a gift. God may replace it with another gift, but the receiver accepts His gifts with thanksgiving. This gift for this day.

Our view of our present situation should be shaped by eternal perspective. "What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short ... For this world in its present form is passing away" (1 Co 7:29, 31). Paul urges us to live in the ongoing reality that the eternal future is pressing into the temporal now. He is concerned that we live undistractedly in joyful anticipation of the approaching kingdom. And he issues a call to all those who desire to make a difference. Both singles and marrieds can apply. Paul's advocacy of singleness ("I wish that all men were even as myself," v7) is rooted in a holy practicality that sees the goal and the best way of getting there.

What concerns us defines us

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

The "undivided devotion to the Lord" is the essence of biblical identity for the single adult. It is rooted in the sovereignty of a God who places people in appropriate situations for the best possible reasons. It is steeped in the love of a God who uses even the most difficult of situations for the greatest possible benefit. It is sustained by the wisdom of a God whose timing is perfect and whose guidance is sure.

You may not live under the present threat of inevitable persecution for your faith. (Or maybe you do.) Nevertheless, we all live in "times that are short." If you are a Christian, don't despise the task to which you have been called. Live in the gift of your singleness for as long as you have the gift. And whether or not God ever ordains the prospect of marriage for you life, bring faith for the present and hope for the future, because there is much to be done. Who better to set a hand to the task than you?

Taken from The Rich Single Life. Copyright 1998 Sovereign Grace Ministries (formerly PDI Communications). Used by permission.